I used to stress that as a mother I didn’t have my shit together well enough. Chloe doesn’t have scheduled nap times. She stays up late. I don’t cook dinners. She doesn’t go to preschool.… More
So, every morning I purge my brain of every thought onto paper. It’s a practice that I only started regularly on the first of this month. It really has allowed me to start my day with clarity, less anxiety, and overall a sense of calmness. I highly recommend trying this! You learn a lot about yourself!
Sometimes I reread everything I wrote. Most of the time, I don’t. I mean, most of the time it’s a bunch of mumbo jumbo or something I fear I’ll feel guilty for thinking, or later wonder why I was thinking so irrationally, or why I was so worried about something so stupid, etc, etc.
This morning was slightly different. First off, I love Mondays. I used to be on the hating-Mondays-bandwagon with the rest of the cool kids, but not anymore. Mondays are awesome. I feel like Mondays are our weekly opportunity for New Week Resolutions, haha. So I got up, I made my coffee, threw some clothes on, went out to the back patio where I do my best thinking and I wrote, in addition to some random nonsense-
“It’s taken so so so so much hard work to get my mind where I want it to be, and I’m not even finished yet. It’s taken so much time. It’s taken so much consistency and so much wanting to give up….. But wow. WOW. Waking up and walking outside and feeling so excited just to be living and experiencing every moment….. It’s more than worth it.”
I honestly look at those words in shock now. Holy crap, I’ve achieved that. I mean, now that it’s 5 pm and I’ve had a whole day’s worth of nonsense in between writing those words and this moment. Chloe is finally napping. My house is a mess. Everything is crazy. And it’s so freaking easy to get wrapped up in the moment. Rereading those words and realizing that my greatest anxiety now only comes from not being present in every moment enough, and not from guilt or disappointment or feeling unworthy….. It is such a shift in mindset. It is everything.
Two years ago when I hit rock bottom, I never imagined myself being at this point- excited to wake up every day, not being able to hold back a smile. We can make our ultimate comeback from anxiety, from depression, from experiences, from anything that brings us down. We can learn to accept life. Life does not happen TO us, life happens FOR us. And it’s not that my problems have magically solved themselves. My problems still exist and still stress me the hell out. But that’s not the overall. That can’t touch my overwhelming sense of excitement for what life has in store for me day to day. My cheeks hurt from smiling so damn much. And I truly believe anybody is capable of feeling this same way. The determining factor for anything you ever do will be the amount of work you’re willing to put in. The journey to happiness is uh…. Less than ideal, and that’s putting it lightly. Practice patience. Practice diligence. Commit to yourself before all else. Believe in yourself. Then, one of these days, people will also stop you in the street and tell you to wipe that ridiculous smile off your face.
Most of all, believe you can do this. It is possible.
Need some tips to get you started? I invite you to join me while I explore all aspects of happiness and achieving it by following this blog. I’m ready to share!
Challenge #1: Try writing down your thoughts every morning for 10 days. Word vomit, as I call it. If you’re thinking it, write it down. See how much clearer your mind feels after 10 days. You may have yourself a new little routine!